Originally from February 10, 2017
The Sudafed lost it’s magic. I’m having trouble catching my breath. When is this cold going to end? At least it’s not the stomach flu. This illness is unpleasant but I’ll take it any day over vomiting over the toilet or into the family barf bucket. It could definitely be worse.
I’m thinking of suffering this morning. Not me and this cold, but suffering in general. Maybe it’s being sick or maybe it’s the ADHD, but it’s really remarkable how quickly my pondering moves from Sudafed to being glad that I’m not throwing up to thoughts of suffering, redemption and healing.
I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately. Aren’t I a ray of sunshine this morning? I’ve been so focused on wanting to be healed, and I still do, so bad I can taste it, but I’m also thinking of everything else that happens when we suffer. How these experiences (dad’s suffering and death, my hearing loss, Steven’s vision impairments and Lauren’s hearing issues), are worth it a thousand times over, as painful as they are, if something better than the healing is coming out of it all. It’s hard to imagine something better than healing but I know my God well, and he has a remarkable way of taking care of his children and blessing them when the world would say otherwise. He has an amazing ability to take what the enemy earmarked for destruction and instead use it to draw his children closer to him, his glory on display for all to see. I was thinking of Jesus on the cross. How he had to die. If his life was spared, Jesus’ power would have been displayed in his release from the cross but his divine power over death wouldn’t have happened. It’s all so confusing, wonderful, glorious, heart-breaking and beautiful. Such is suffering.
Still, I really don’t like suffering. If I’m honest, I just want the healing.
And I’m thinking of the times he does heal. Or the times when nothing short of a miracle has occurred. I’m thinking of a very specific situation last year involving an extended family member. The story is not mine to share. All you need to know is that it wasn’t looking good. The situation was so full of evil. There was no possible way for it to end well. Yet in the final hour, God showed up in all of his glory and really showed off, making the impossible possible. It’s overwhelming to comprehend how he swept in and made a way where there was none. I still can’t believe what he did for my family member.
That’s all the thoughts I have for today. Time to lay down again, or at least read this month’s book for book club. In a few hours I will drive to school and pick up Steven, take him to Bellevue for an appointment with his pediatric optometrist. I’m nervous. I’m praying for good news. We’ve had such good news but also such bad news at these types of appointments. It’s enough to keep a mama’s emotions out of whack.
