MENTOR MOMENT 5.23.24

Good morning ladies. Just so you know, I was feeling particularly fancy late Monday night when I wrote this mentor moment. It has a title. And it’s written in bold title font so I can actually see what I wrote without reading glasses. Again, fancy.

Looking Back On a Year of Saying Yes (And Sometimes No)

Spoiler Alert: You will be introduced to next year’s MomCo theme sometime during this meeting, probably right after I sit down. With that in mind, let’s revisit this year’s theme one last time and call it good. After all, it’s satisfying to look back to see where we’ve come from and then fix our eyes on where we’re headed. Let’s take a look at this year’s theme, shall we?

Say Yes

I must confess something? The Say Yes theme isn’t my favorite. In fact I hate it. I’m more of a say no kind of Mom. If I learned anything from the days of Covidtide, it’s the importance of slowing down and learning to say no. On the other hand, maybe I just lack the ability to go with the flow. My default is a hard no. I want to be a yes mom. I really do. I want my kids to let loose and have fun even if I prefer all that fun to be near a bottle of my favorite stain remover: Puracy, if you’re taking notes. Stain remover is my love language. 

And sorry, I’m still saying no to wearing a swimsuit. I want to say yes to playing in the water with my kids, yes to body positivity, and yes to health at any size. I’m not there yet. I’m going to say no to water parks in general while I’m at it. I’m a work in progress who doesn’t like getting her hair or face wet.

I like to observe bedtimes and schedules not impromptu gatherings that would throw off Noah’s routine. Despite what my husband says, rules were not meant to be broken. In fact, laws, guidelines, procedures, and speed limits give me life and make my heart swoon! 

I’ll never be the mom who says yes to ice cream instead of breakfast, though we often have breakfast for dinner. 

I bought word art for my living room that boldly proclaims the word Gather. Yet this introvert needs to say “no” at times to large gatherings. I need friendship but I have an even greater need to recharge, to hunker down with a good book, piping hot coffee (even in summer) by myself, with my dog. This brings me life and great joy. And this is why I hid the Gather word art behind my dresser to collect dust instead of people.

Even though I will tell you, “Yes you should definitely drop by,” please call first. And by call, I mean text because I’m allergic to talking on the phone.

After reflecting on some of these hard no’s, I started really getting down about myself, about being a boring No mom instead of an adventurous Yes mom.

I went back to the MomCo website in search of the teaser video for the Say Yes theme. I was looking for an actual list of all the things we’re supposed to say yes to…that I’d rather say no to. But I got distracted (life story) and found myself on a website for a MomCo. group in Woodland, wherever that is.

This is what the good folks at Woodland MomCo had to say about saying yes: 

“To clarify, we’re not talking about people-pleasing or over-extending yourself. In fact, it’s the opposite. Developing a ‘yes’ mindset is living intentionally, focused on your goals for yourself and your family. It’s about listening to God’s still, small voice and doing the brave things rather than the easy things.”

Well said, Woodland MomCo, well said.

Whether you are an introvert or an extrovert, we can all do that! Your yes will look different than mine, but it doesn’t matter. I might be screaming no to a weekend at Great Wolf Lodge, but I said yes to going back to work. I even said yes to a puppy, and she’s coming home to us on Saturday. Swimsuits don’t bring me joy but my personal philosophy is every child needs a pet. A pet, especially a new puppy, is a definite yes in my book. To quote my little brother, and by little I mean freshly minted 44, “It’s always the right time for a puppy.” You might be shouting “Heck no!” (or another word with no) to the very thought of a Goldendoodle wrecking havoc on home turf. So what? You might enjoy hanging out at the beach, frolicking through sand and water with your sunscreen lathered toddler, in a bikini no less. You do you. I’ll do me. And neither one of us will play the comparison game. 

Don’t beat yourself up, amazing you. God created you to be you, glorious you, swimsuit wearing or not because he loves you and wants you to thrive wether it’s in saying yes or saying no, and he will give you the wisdom to know the difference. 

Not that you have a quiet moment coming up in the near future, but if you did or if you do, I gently encourage you to think of ways you said yes this year. Big yes’s and little yes’s count equally. It might be interesting to let your mind wander to What if? What if you said yes? What’s holding you back? When did you say no? Honor those no’s without guilt if it was the right choice for you and your family. Or if you have the tendency, like me, to default to no, what would happen if you said yes next time? 

Let’s pray…

Lord, you are good to us. You love every woman in this room. Thank you for our year together. Teach us to be brave when saying yes is hard. Enable us to just go for it, to charge ahead only because we’re clinging to you and letting you hold us through the sea of unknowns.  And as we cling to you, or start getting curious about you, we will learn just how exhilarating it is to say yes, and we praise you God in such times. Remind us that you are with us equally in the no’s when it’s not the right moment or because you have something better than we could possibly imagine. In Jesus’s mighty Name, amen.

Every so often I get to encourage moms by giving a Mentor Moment at my local MOPS group. MOPS isn’t a cleaning club. It’s an international organization set up to encourage mothers from pregnancy to preschool. Fun Fact: my own mentor mom, the lovely Wendy Carroll, first introduced me to the Welcome to Holland essay in a Mentor Moment she gave back when I was a young mom.

To know me is to know that words are my jam, particularly written words. In fact, one of my favorite courses back in high school was the dreaded Essay Fundamentals. How I loved the process of writing a strong essay. With this fetish in mind, I’m going to hijack my Mentor Moment and share a mini-essay, emphasis on mini, that Emily Pearl Kingsley wrote about parenting children with different abilities by comparing it to a trip to Holland when your life-long dream was to explore Italy. Although my heart will probably be the only heart that pitter-patters at the sound of an essay being read aloud, I think there’s something in it for all of us.

(Welcome To Holland essay by Emily Pearl Kingsley)

I don’t know about you, but I take great comfort in Kingsley’s essay. I have a few outside-of-the-box children, and I suppose I have a different ability if you consider my hearing loss, and of course neurodivergence is a thing (thank you ADHD).

Let me be clear, I never wanted to go to Holland. Holland is NOT what I signed up for. But I’m learning that Holland is a sacred place.

Don’t think for a minute that I’m trite or that I’m attempting to make light of parenting children with different abilities or really anyone’s parenting journey, typical or atypical. I’m all about being real. Hard stuff is hard stuff. Full stop. Mothering children, especially young outside-of-the-box children, is not for the faint of heart. Yet friends, this land is BEAUTIFUL! It’s full of wonder even if it doesn’t look the way you thought it would. Don’t miss it. Don’t wish it away. Let’s feel our feels and mourn our losses but also seek out beauty, joy and tenderness amongst the chaos, and I do mean chaos, of this place. Let’s embrace the good in Holland! For above all, it is a good place to be.

I believe that Kingsley’s words go hand in hand with Paul’s letter to the Philippians in the Bible. Paul writes in Chapter 4 verse 9, “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable — If anything is excellent or praiseworthy — think about such things.”

In other words, think of the windmills, the tulips. Think of Rembrandts. Think of milk-drunk babies or the chocolate pudding stained cheeks of a preschooler. Together lets embrace bright eyes full of wonder, smudged glasses and all, sticky hands, IEPs and hearing aides. Take it from this old gal, these are the good old days!

God, through the redemptive blood of Jesus Christ, is with you even in the places you may not have wanted to go. He’s been with me during social skills groups, IEP meetings, failed hearing tests and grocery shopping with a hangry toddler in tow, which is quite possible the greatest challenge of them all. He’s with you too.

Welcome to Holland. Enjoy your stay.

(Prayer)

Father God, help us yearn not for Italy but help us to be truly satisfied with our versions of Holland. Cover us with hope and great joy as we take care of our little ones. That hope comes only from knowing your son, Jesus. May his peace be with us through the Holy Spirit. Remind us that we can do all things, especially hard things, through you, the one who gives us strength. Bless this food so that it nourishes our bodies. May the conversation around the tables nourish our souls and point us once again to you. In Jesus’s name, amen.